Tag Archives: Law of attraction

Happiness, Personal effectiveness

How to Be and Stay Happy with 5 Simple Tips

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Happy-kitten5817271029_e671acbc62I was watching a morning news show the other day and one of their segments resonated so strongly with me, I decided to write an article about the subject: being and staying happy.

It’s a topic I always address when I’m speaking. Keeping yourself happy is a critical success tool.

People mistakenly think happiness is a result of their circumstances.  Happiness is purely a result of your response to your circumstances.

Case in point…recently I attended the National Speakers Association’s annual convention. One of the keynote speakers captivated the audience of over 1700 people.

Her name was Immaculee Illibagiza. Immaculee lost her entire family to genocide in Rwanda while ‘living’ for 91 days holed up in a tiny (3ft by 4ft) bathroom with seven other women. Hard to even imagine.

During her entire speech,  she fondled the rosary over which she prayed during those horrific days as she spoke about how God answered her prayers, saving her life, those with whom she hid and those who hid her and why she now travels the world speaking of love and forgiveness. Let me repeat that…love and forgiveness.

I was transfixed. Her talk was transformative.

Listening to her made me experience grace, immense gratitude and humility.

Recalling her talk now as I write this article, seems to almost trivialize the necessity of even talking about the absence of happiness for the rest of us who’ve probably never experienced anything even close to what Immaculee went through.

Yet, we all face challenges in life that seem to eat away at, even destroy, our joy.

So, what to do when you’re faced with something that’s bringing you down?

Here are some simple ideas.  I’d love to hear yours too. So after reading this article, scroll back up to the top and leave a comment about practices, rituals, actions, beliefs you have that help you maintain your emotional state at optimal levels .

1. Find one tiny thing in your life that brings you joy and focus on it.
It may be the touch of an infant, the cold nose of your favorite pet, the love (emotional/physical) of your partner, the sound and sights of nature.Identify that item your you and turn your attention away from the thing that’s distressing you.Consciously direct your thoughts toward the more pleasing topic instead.

Find something to be happy about and think about that. Ignore the stressor. Use the relief you feel to help you ‘problem solve’ if necessary.There is a phrase from my corporate life that says “What gets measured, gets managed. What gets managed, improves”. It’s a business process/improvement tactic.

When you take the time to track something you want to improve, you observe it, you learn about it, you catch and correct issues before they go too far astray.It’s similar concept for improving your happiness. Keep track of the things that make you happy.

At the end of the day, think about (or better yet) write down all of the good things that happened to you that day.  Some people keep a Gratitude Journal. Noticing good events, makes other good events in your life more visible to you.  (It’s like what happens when you buy a new blue car and start seeing that same model and color everywhere.)

It’s easy to forget about all the positive events that occur when you’re so fixated on the ONE BIG problem that’s clouding your vision. Don’t let it consume you. YOU are the captain of your ship. Steer it!

2. Take one small action that moves you closer to happiness.
This might be picking up the phone and calling someone you’ve been hesitant about reaching out to for some reason. Play your favorite tune on your favorite device. (Mine is “Happy” by Pharrel Williams,
interestingly enough.)

You don’t have to solve your vexing issue all at once. What is one tiny step you can take that moves you even just a little bit closer to happiness?I remember when my ex and I used to fight over money. We had a joint checking account and ran a business together with one account. I was bringing in most of the income, yet he was spending a disproportionate share…and not mentioning it. I’d find out when I wrote a check (yes, it was a while ago) and it bounced.

We’d talk. We’d fight. Nothing changed.

Exasperated, I approached my Minister just to feel like I was being heard by someone. In the midst of my complaining, she calmly suggested “why don’t you just open up a separate account?”Duh! and OMG! That was the answer to my prayers, yet it took me a couple of years of frustrations to be able to ‘attract’ that idea. One trip to the bank for new signature cards (he was still part of the business), and  one conversation to obtain his signature and within a day, my stress was gone!

3. Listen to and heed your intuition.
As I was packing for the conference referenced earlier, a new pair of  brown sandals were on the short list of what might get packed. I was looking at them on the floor in my bedroom, when a quiet thought
went through my head “Do you really need to take them?”

I didn’t, but I liked them, so I packed them.

Well, somewhere between the hotel room in D.C. and the 3 airports my unlocked bag traveled through on my way home, the sandals disappeared. Darn! I hadn’t even worn them during the trip! They could have stayed home.
Next time, I’ll listen to those whispers more intently.

4. Decide that your true happiness is the most important priority in your life.
I learned this listening to/reading Law of Attraction material from Abraham-Hicks. It sounded selfish at first, but intuitively correct.

It’s analogous to what flight attendants tell you to do if the oxygen
masks appear when you’re traveling with small children: “Put your mask on first”.When you’re alive and safe (or sufficiently happy), you can help other people.  If you’re unconscious or sad, you can’t.

5. Focus on the inside and shut out outside influences. Then, ask for what you want.
When I was younger, it was sometimes difficult to ask for what I wanted. I was afraid of what people thought and afraid of how they might react.In order for me to figure out what really might make me happy, I had to pretend no one would know what I had decided.

Without the pressure of how people might react to my wants and desires, my true feelings and hopes could more easily surface.Asking doesn’t guarantee you’ll get what you want if someone else has control over the thing you’re trying to get. (Keep in mind, like you, their happiness is their #1 priority.) But you’re more likely to get what you want if the people around you know what you want. Expecting people to know or guess or read your mind is not a productive strategy.

No one is responsible for your happiness but you. People and events MIGHT make you happy, but it’s not their job. YOU are the controller of how you feel.

People and events might make you sad, but it’s not their fault. YOU are the controller of how you feel.Events occur. No matter how exquisite or horrific, your response to them is completely within your control.Jenn Lim, Chief Happiness Officer at Delivering Happiness which she co-founded with Tony Hsieh (CEO of Zappos.com) cites 4 items  from Hsieh’s book, Delivering Happiness: A Path to Profits, Passion and Purpose that are behind the science of happiness:
1. A sense of control
2. A sense of progress
3. A sense of connectedness
4. A sense of vision and meaning
……all of which, in some area of your life, you can influence. Find them. Focus on them. Create happiness for yourself.