The workplace is a web of communications between individuals and teams.

When things don’t go well, we tend to blame the other person or group.

If you’re ever tried to change anyone, you probably realize how pointless that is.

Our highest salvation and sense of peace is to work on ourselves, rise above the commotion and lead the way from a place of groundedness and authenticity.

Maintaining presence of mind in the midst of chaos is the way to accomplish that.

So, how does one maintain that presence when the world seems to be caving in on you? It is possible but takes concerted effort.

Here are the 5 skills that are critical for maximizing your effectiveness:

1. The ability to discover the things you do that other people notice but that you don’t know you do
We all have habits, patterns of behavior that seem to run themselves. We also all have blind spots. Things we do but are unaware of. Rarely do we seek them out and even less frequently, do we do anything about them

If you’re striving for maximum effectiveness in the workplace, you MUST know the impact you’re having on people. It takes courage to uncover them, but shining a light on the areas of your blindness will help you become more likeable, respected and influential.

2. The ability to calm yourself when your reptilian brain has just thrust you into Fight or Flight
When tensions mount, our instinct is to protect ourselves or annihilate the threat. Before you commit that career limiting move, take a moment to get ‘present’. That means calming yourself briefly before you lash out or duck and cover. Put your attention on your your physical body. Take a few deep breaths. Notice the pressure of your butt on the chair or your feet on the floor. Taking these few precious seconds will give you a chance to collect your more grounded thoughts and respond from a more centered place.

3. The ability to notice and objectively address the process you or a group are enmeshed in
Communication is a process which includes not just the words that are said but the underlying subtext of the conversation as well as what’s NOT being said. In a group or family, people fall into ‘roles’ they play in that community. When those roles can be brought to light in a way that is nonjudgmental the grip of the role is loosened.

For example, when a group is led by a powerful and directive boss, they may be reluctant to speak up if they have a different opinion than the one that is not being proferred. This is what triggers water-cooler conversations).

As the boss, it’s critical that you get the feedback you need in order to accomplish your goals. Notice that your staff is hesitant to be forthright with you. tell them you need their input AND THEN LISTEN AND TAKE IT INTO ACCOUNT.

As the staff member, it’s critical that you voice your perspective, not in a combative way but as another point of information that is valuable and key to moving forward on the right path.

4. The ability to quiet our inner critic
To be human is to have a voice that tries to protect us from harm. Unfortunately, it usually stops us from taking ‘risks’ that would actually be helpful to our personal growth. Notice what your inner critic or judge usually says to you. Then when it pipes up (in your head) in various situations, notice it and say ‘Thank you for pointing that out’.

Then imagine that there is a miracle awaiting you on the other side of whatever fear it raised and take some action toward bringing that miracle into fruition.

5. The ability to cultivate the Sage within you
There is another voice within us that knows what’s possible on a grander scale than what our human persona normally perceives. It is the voice of intution, Spirit, knowingness, God (or whicheve deity enlightens your world).

It whispers to us to take action. It’s suggestions sometimes scare us and that’s almost always a signal that growth or transformation is right around the corner if we go there.

Cultivating the Sage means creating quiet time and space for it to speak to us during periods of restfulness,

meditation or prayer. It means listening to the voice and honoring it by taking action on its suggestions. It’s a discipline and practice, being quite and taking acion. Ant it is a practice, that if done consistenly, will pay off in really big ways.

So, be aware then be courageous. Release the judge that condemns yourself and others. Invite the Sage to take a larger role in your life and the power of this new presence will dramatically improve your personal effectiveness.

Let me know how it works out for you!

One of my favorite quotes is from Studs Terkel, author of “Working”.  He said, “Most people are in jobs that are too small for their souls.  They don’t want to work for a company, they want to work for a cause that transcends the dullness of their everyday lives.”

Back in the 1980s when he wrote that, life was much simpler. I believe that fewer people today would say their lives are dull.  I DO believe that many may confess they are searching for more meaningful days or the opportunity to pursue the dreams they’ve kept on the back burner for far too long.

So if you’re one of them or live or work with people who’ve complained of that void, be proactive in helping to raise the (emotional) tide in your neighborhood.

When you make an effort to improve the quality of your life or the lives of those around you, the world becomes a much brighter, happier place. Don’t be an uninterested bystander. You can make a difference.  You do make a difference. Go make one.

Here are some things you can implement right away to help them (or you) bring more meaning and joy into their lives.

1. Identify (or revisit) your core values
When you take the time to articulate what is truly important to you, it brings them to consciousness. Your brain will then start looking for opportunities to make them more present in your life.

2. Talk to the people around you about what’s important to you and what matters most to them.
People are sometimes hesitant to talk about what’s in their heart, feeling it’s too personal to reveal. Yet, its in the revelation of those important matters that creates bonds with others and allows us to feel we’re part of a community.  Even if the people around you value something quite different from you, you will gain insight into their behavior and motivations and perhaps even appreciate them more.

3. Take a class on a topic you’ve been interested in
This might be on a topic that will benefit you personally or professionally.  I believe it’s important for our hearts and minds to be at work on issues that stimulate and inspire us.

The cells in our body are designed to grow and multiply.  Our ideas should as well.

4.  Hire a mentor or coach
If you look at the most successful athletes, they all have a coach. Our own talents can take us so far. And let’s face it, sometimes our human need for the safety of homeostasis, keeps us from making the progress we should. Sometimes you need an outside perspective to see your career or business in a new light.  Sometimes you need a swift kick in the pants from someone who is committed more to your success than your comfort.

5. See the best in others and shine a light on it
Everyone has dark days at times. Some people wallow in them. When you make an effort to see the people around you as more capable than they see themselves, their performance will rise to meet your expectations. When you see and encourage the light in others, the world becomes a brighter place.

Take this 5 actions to heart.  Practice them regularly and let a brighter future unfold.

It’s helpful to trace and understand the origin of the two words.   For a more elaborate explanation, read this article, empathy vs sympathy.

I’ll summarize here.

Empathy was brought into the English language from the German word Both are acts of feeling.  With sympathy, you feel FOR the person.  You may or may not fully understand their predicament, situation, problem or feelings.

With sympathy, you feel sorry for the person.  With empathy, you truly understand the sorrow, from their perspective and the world they endure as a result.

Empathy takes more work. It requires more imagination in that in order to empathize with a person, you must attempt to understand their thoughts: walk in their moccasins, so to speak. Empathy helps you identify with and feel closer to the other person.

While sympathy is also a tender feeling, it keeps you at a distance and sometimes even a bit above the person. Your perspective reflects that the person is somehow not only less fortunate than you but also ‘less than’ you, at least at the moment. The ‘less than’ may an assessment of their (perhaps temporary) competence or power level.

The most frequent expression of sympathy is felt when you hear that a person you know has lost someone close to them to death.  Feeling sympathy is almost an immediate reaction on our part.  Empathy would step in if you were very close to the survivor and understood, to a strong degree what the impact of that loss actually meant to them.  it might also kick in if you’ve lost someone
yourself and can actually experience that feeling of grief.

So, how does one bring empathy into existence when there is no tragedy to demand its emergence?

Here are three ways to sharpen your instinct for empathy.

1. Practice recognizing the signs that you’re about to distance yourself and dismiss the other person.
Empathy is an exercise in self-awareness and flexibility.  When you sense an arising experience of some negative emotion (disgust, sadness, anger, resentment), know that the first signal is your OWN emotion.  Once you know it’s YOUR reaction you’re trying to tame (rather than the other person’s), you’ll have more success in flexing and responding.

2. Imagine the other person’s life and try to feel what they are currently feeling.
Take into consideration not only their current life, but years past that have formed their perspective and outlook on life.  Be curious about how they have come to adopt their opinions. Ask open-ended questions that will help shine a light on their internal thoughts and help you understand them.

3. Legitimize their feelings
Even if you struggle to understand the feelings or opinions yourself, acknowledge that the perspective is a legitimate one for the person holding it. When you tell them you could see how they came to believe what they believe, it will be easier to have a meaningful dialog.  The natural tendency is to disagree with them; to dismiss them as a nut-case.  It’s hard to solve problems when you each think your ‘adversary’ is a lunatic.  Someone has to have some collaborative energy.  It might as well be you.

As Michael Jackson said, “I’m starting with the man in the mirror. I’m asking him to change his ways.” If you’re always looking for someone else to change their ways, they won’t. If you keep denying their opinion, they’ll hold on to it that much stronger.  Meet them where they are.  That’s how you find common ground.

Great leadership is the display of a combination of tools, skills and behaviors.  It isn’t the result of position power or personality.  Consequently, it can be learned and demonstrated.

Think of the great leaders you’ve known.  I’ll bet they demonstrated most if not all of these skills.

Here’s my list of the top tools, skills and behaviors.

1. Standards
Great leaders set high standards for themselves and the people around them.  They expect people to ‘step up’ in ways they may not even believe they can.  They require exemplary behavior and thinking.  They inspire others to perform at the highest levels possible.

2. Feedback
Honest, authentic communication is the hallmark of a great leader.  They are able to express difficult sentiments, communicate expectations and let people know how they are performing vis-a-vis the expectations while leaving those people empowered and ready to forge ahead.

3.  Rewards
Rewards are great for creating external motivation for achieving goals.  Effective leaders understand the unique values and priorities of the people around them and custom tailor rewards to activate the intrinsic desires that make people perform and  excel.

4. Stamp
When great leaders encounter inappropriate behavior, they don’ t stick their head in the sand and ignore it. They stamp it out – quickly and decisively.  They are swift in their response to restate expectations and request those expectations be met. This creates and a sense of fairness on the team and credibility for the leader.

5. Care
John C. Maxwell is often quoted as saying, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” When leaders go out of their way to demonstrate their humanity, empathy and concern for others, they create an ultra-strong bond with the people around them.

6. Belief
Great leaders have an unwavering belief in the potential of people.  They assume people want to excel and just need pathways, resources and the confidence to express their excellence.

Regardless of where you are in an organization’s hierarchy, you can practice using these tools and behaviors thereby enhancing your effectiveness as a leader.

Most work in companies gets done through interaction between people.  Some managers mistakenly think they can just hire people, give them a job or task to do and then expect that they’ll ‘make it happen’.

Recently, I’ve heard leaders say “Do your job!” like that person could just wave a magic wand and have everything turn out ‘peachy keen’.

In reality, most tasks require planning and collaboration and a whole lot more in order for them to be completed successfully. It’s the bosses job to facilitate activities, not just dictate them.

I’ve identified 5 things teams need to have in order for them to be successful and productive.

1. Goals
2. Roles
3. Rules
4. Styles
5. Scores

1. Goals
Each person needs goals, but the team itself needs goals as well.  Without knowing there they’re headed as a group, teams will flounder.  Individual self-interests will prevail and competition will ensue.

• Where are we going?
• Why is that important?
• Who are we serving and why?

2. Roles
Team members need to be clear about their individual roles and how they are contributing to the accomplishment of the goals.

• What does everyone on the team do?
• How do ‘hand-offs’ occur?
• How does my work impact them?

3. Rules
Rules provide structure, systems and processes that make teams more effective.

• How do we communicate with each other? How rapidly can we expect a response?
• What processes do we follow?
• How do we make decisions around here?
• What happens when things go awry?
• How do we share in the wins?

4. Styles
It’s critical to understand the human side of each team member.  People are more than just cogs in a wheel.  When team members take time to know each other beyond their roles on the team, getting the work done will take much less effort.

If I communicate with you on your terms, appealing to your thought process and priorities, fewer ‘breakdowns in communication’ will happen.  Expectations will be more explicit, not implied.  Implications lead to assumptions and  assumptions create mistakes and unfulfilled expectations and opportunities.

5. Scores
Scores are often measures of the goals that have been set.  They allow a team to track their progress and ultimately, their success.  Scores also allow analysis of what could be improved.

How does your team stack up?  If you are the leader, how well are you facilitating the creation and management of these 5 critical items? What improvements can be made?

When you attend to the people side of your business, your business can deliver on the profit side.